‘Time to Talk Day’ was established in 2014 to encourage friends, family members and colleagues to share their mental and emotional struggles with each other. Talking about how we feel and listening to others, experts say, encourages a greater understanding of mental health and strengthens support networks.
But growing up is tricky and children with special needs of all kinds often face more challenges than their peers. Their difficulties may also make it harder for them to explain how they’re feeling. A child with autism or ADHD, for example, might find it impossible to regulate their emotions while someone with verbal dyspraxia or cerebral palsy can find the mechanics of speaking get in the way of self-expression. How can families help young people with SEN to open up about their emotions?
Making Time and Space to Communicate
Janet Cooper is a speech and language therapist, the clinical lead at Midlands Partnership NHS Trust and a member of the Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists. She says that the most important thing – for all parents, not just those with children with SEN – is to create the time and space for meaningful conversations to happen.
“Make sure you won’t be interrupted and turn your phone and the TV off,” she suggests. “A relaxed atmosphere also helps – you can’t have a conversation if you’re rushing around getting ready for school or cooking dinner! Older children often prefer to talk if you’re doing an activity side-by-side, such as the washing-up, but younger children need eye contact and to know they’ve got your full attention.”
Discuss Your Own Feelings
Parents can support children with special needs to talk about their emotions, Janet continues, by firstly helping them to identify the physical sensations that occur alongside. Anger, for example, might cause a red face and a rapid heartbeat.
It’s also useful, she says, to give youngsters the vocabulary to describe specific feelings. “Children with SEN often have difficulty recognising and naming their emotions. You can model talking about your own experiences and say, for example, ‘I was so embarrassed,’ or, ‘I was frustrated or irritated’ – after all, we aren’t always plain ‘angry’. For youngsters who are non-verbal, there are lots of free apps on the internet that use signs and symbols.”
In addition, if a child is clearly struggling with a difficult feeling – having a meltdown, for example – naming it by saying, ‘I can see that you are feeling overwhelmed’, validates the emotions, she says, and then makes it more likely that the young person can find alternative ways of behaving in future. “Children have to feel their feelings in order to learn how to self-regulate,” she comments.
However, Janet cautions, parents shouldn’t attempt an in-depth conversation about the outburst while a child is in the throes of being upset. It’s better, she advises, to wait till the child has calmed down – which sometimes takes a while.
Books and Films Can Start Conversations
Reading books or watching films together can also open the door to talking about feelings for children of all ages, she points out. “Kids with ASD, for example, can find it difficult to read cues from other people. You can discuss the characters and say, ‘Why do you think they feel like that?’ You might also say, ‘How would you feel in that situation?’ and get the child to act it out with a teddy or action figure.
“There’s a lot of focus on mental health at the moment and how the recent pandemic has affected all young people,” Janet concludes. “Children with special needs often get overlooked. We need to make sure they also get the support they need.”
The ‘PACE’ Approach
Some professionals who work with children recommend the ‘PACE’ model of communication which was developed by American clinical psychologist Dr. Dan Hughes as part of his work with traumatised children. According to practitioners, however, it is a useful template for all families.
PACE stands for ‘playfulness’, ‘acceptance’, ‘curiosity’ and ‘empathy’ and adopting these principles when talking to all children, experts say, makes a child feel safe and more able to share how they think and feel.
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